Friday, August 11, 2006

Traffic Phrases

By John Ross Harvey

When people block an intersection say the following:

“If you don’t fit, don’t be a twit.”
“Blocking the intersection; means your brain has malfunctioned.”
“If you can’t cross it, don’t block it.”

If somebody tries to drive around you in a lane full of parked cars
Say the following:

“Funny thing about traffic, people don’t tend to park in the left lane.”
“Pathetic Parked Car Passing Putz!”
“You mean to tell me way up high in your SUV, you cannot see a parked car?”

If your in a turning lane and someone drives around you from a non-turning lane
To make a turn, say the following:

“Do you suffer from Directional Deficit Disorder?”
“What planet are you from that turning right from a left lane is normal?”
“Your inability to read a road sign is only equaled by your lack of intelligence.”

If somebody uses an escape lane which is ending quickly to pass cars that are obeying the
Rules of the road say the following:

“Does the picture indicating your lane has ended not big enough for your poor vision?”
“Lost Lane Loser!”
“The only thing you’re proving is your stupidity.”

If a car lane hops from left to right and back and forth to get positively nowhere
Say the following:

“Lane hopping increases your travel distance.”
“Staying in one lane is faster.”
“Cutting people off only increases your enemies.”
“You must be drunk, you can’t even drive straight.”
“What has your car done to you, that you increase its probability to crash?”

When a smoker throws his butt out the window
Say the following:

“The world is not your ashtray!”
“My tires don’t appreciate your litter.”
“Stick your butt up your own!”

When a “Ricer” drives around manhole covers in front of you
Say the following:

“If you didn’t drop your car your paint wouldn’t get scratched.”
“It’s only a HONDA, it’s not special.”
“Driveway curbs must be like Mt. Everest if a manhole is too high!”
“Fast and Furious was a joke, not a lifestyle.”
“Your brake lights are PINK!”

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