Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Marketing Slogans

By John Ross Harvey

Maxwell House: “Good to the Last Drop.”
Meaning: It’ll never be great

Timex: “It takes a licking and keeps on ticking.”
Meaning: Our parts are so big they can’t possibly be re-arranged.

Mazda: “Zoom, zoom, zoom.”
Meaning: Our marketing guys got bored.

Coca-Cola: “It’s the real thing.”
Meaning: Pepsi isn’t real

Zest: “You’re not clean until you’re Zestfully clean.”
Meaning: A non-soap with the name of an orange peel needs help

Nike: “Just do it.”
Meaning: We can’t compete with the Adidas acronym
“All Day I Dream About Sex.”

KFC: “Finger licking good.”
Meaning: We hope you like grease, we have lots.

Rice Krispies: “Snap! Crackle! Pop!”
Meaning: Rice is boring we needed some excitement

Hallmark: “When you care enough to send the very best.”
Meaning: Don’t buy other cards, especially Carlton

Walmart: “Always low prices. Always.”
Meaning: If you say it twice, maybe it’s true.

Apple (Mac): “Power to be your best.”
Meaning: Ctrl-Alt-Del is not required for a restart

Subway: “Eat fresh.”
Meaning: Don’t eat frozen burgers

Smarties: “Do you eat the red ones last?”
Meaning: Be careful red ones may contain Red Dye #5

Tim Horton’s: “Rrroll up the rim to win.”
Meaning: Fat chance you’re winning boy.

Lays: “Bet you can’t eat just one.”
Meaning: How many people are dumb enough to try

Crest: “Look, Ma, no cavities!”
Meaning: Don’t buy Colgate

Schlitz: “The Beer that made Milwaukee famous.”
Meaning: Stop buying cheap Old Milwaukee

Purina: “All you add is love.”
Meaning: It tastes like dirt the poor dog needs something

York Peppermint: “Get the sensation.”
Meaning: We can’t compete with chocolate bars

Esso: “Put a Tiger in your tank.”
Meaning: We will continue to sue Frosted Flakes

Campbell’s: “Mm, mm good.”
Meaning: Stop buying Lipton’s

Whisk: “Ring around the collar.”
Meaning: Annoying works

Tab: “How can one calorie taste so good?”
Meaning: We lucked out with this experiment

Yellow Pages: “Let your fingers do the walking.”
Meaning: We thought that up during the dial phone era.

Nice & Easy: “Does she or doesn’t she?”
Meaning: Clairol is more colourful than us.

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

USA Election 2008

By John Ross Harvey

Americans head to the polls today
Maybe about 24% of them
If we’re lucky
Of that 24% they will probably vote mostly for one party
Yet their vote is insignificant
Because they only count
Electoral college votes
Some moneybags with a priority over a common citizen
With the privilege of deciding their country’s fate
Regardless of what everyone else voted.
This system makes no sense, should be abolished
And quite frankly kept Bush in power for 8 years
Canadians wouldn’t have kept him
Why do 25 people in California decide for millions?
There is no logic to that.

12:32 pm Eastern time I declare Obama to win.