Friday, December 29, 2006

New Year's Day

By John Ross Harvey

If you actually wake up
From your New Year’s Eve Celebrations
This is a free day off
Which you need
Because you have a hangover
Happy New Year!

New Year's Eve

By John Ross Harvey

We all know what this is about
Celebrate another year going by
Get plastered drunk
And miss the Times Square Countdown
Poor Dick Clark
He never gets to drink
Must be why he missed it once
Lord knows many of us have
But I have to bring one thing up
The Millenium was 2001

Friday, December 22, 2006

Boxing Day

By John Ross Harvey

There are many opinions
As to what Boxing Day is
Many think its time to put
All the Gift boxes away
From Christmas
Many sports enthusiasts
Hope it’s a title fight on TV
It’s neither
If you exchange those gifts
You’ll have a black eye
That’s a fact


By John Ross Harvey

Christmas is a time for giving
And receiving
And Eating
And Drinking
And taking Advil when the Bills come in
And Boxing Day Sales
Are two days late
Merry Christmas

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Christmas Eve

By John Ross Harvey

Christmas and New Year’s Day
Have Eves
The day before is now an Evening
Well not really
But what you do on that day
Will happen in the evening
On Christmas Eve
You will finish shopping while
The stores close
In the Evening
You will wrap gifts
In the Evening
You will assume the role of
Santa Claus for your kids
In the Evening
You will then fall asleep
In the Evening
Whether you had anything to drink
Or not
In the Evening

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Present Wrapping

By John Ross Harvey

It’s near to Christmas and
You’re buying lots of presents
Which need to be wrapped
Do you A: get the store to wrap it?
B: get a service desk place to wrap it?
Or C: take it home and complain
That you still have to wrap it?
Usually you pick C
Because you’re losing the extra time
Needed to buy more presents
Which you definitely will need
When you get home
In order to start wrapping them.

Monday, December 18, 2006

Parking Space Searching

By John Ross Harvey

It’s almost Christmas
You need to shop
Which means going to a mall
Where you need to park
Except finding a space is
Extremely difficult
A good portion by all the
Christmas trees they’re selling
And many more by people that
Park poorly
So you’re left with one option
Find someone walking and
Stalk them to their car
To get a space
Usually 1400 miles from the door
But there is a dilemma
In this strategy
That person could be paranoid
That you’re a psycho axe murderer
And getting to their car
Will be the last thing they ever do
So they intentionally walk through
Three or Four lanes of
Parking spaces to piss you off
And lose your tail
Honestly just drop off the family
At the door and meet them 5 hours later
When you find a spot from
Someone that isn’t paranoid.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Systems that Don't make Sense

By John Ross Harvey

You deal with various systems daily that really defy logic
But that’s the way it’s always been so you
Take it for granted

Batteries: D, C, AA, and AAA

Would it not be simpler to call them A, B, C, and D?
How did AA and AAA ever come to pass?

School grading: 4,3,2,0

4 is 85%up, 3 70-84%, 2 60-69%, 0 less than 60%
Why is there no 1?
1 could be 50-59%
That isn’t a failure in an election, it’s a win!

Clothing sizes: S, M, L, Xl, XXL, XXXL, and XXXXL

Sometimes numbers are less annoying.
Nobody that wears XXXXL wants to see that
Size 60 is probably less traumatic

Shoe sizes:

Why is size 5 men’s equal to size 7 women’s?
Why do kids sizes have no gender differences?
Why do kid’s sizes go up to 13 before an adult 1?
Why don’t adult sizes start at 14?
Why are European sizes more like 168 than 3?

Friday, December 01, 2006

I've gone National...Post that is

I contributed to this fabulous article on driving habits.
Thank you Ed Drass for listening and printing my opinions.