Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Space Traffic

Also posted on my profile jrharv at www.myouterspace.com

Since almost nobody in my major metropolis of Toronto
(And yes Metropolis in Superman was based on Toronto)
Can drive properly at all
I say this because they have the apparent need to
Think that LEFT and RIGHT are interchangeable
By turning into TWO lanes at once to prove they are a dunce
LEFT and RIGHT have not been interchangeable since
The dawn of Time itself
Neither have UP and DOWN
Liquid and Solid may cross lines once in a while
But LEFT and RIGHT do not
Of course while they do this
They also DO NOT SIGNAL!
Driving should be taught at an age where you can grasp
5 year olds could figure this out
But most 5 year olds are too short
And AIRBAGS are deadly so
Thirteen makes more sense
A child perhaps not yet in puberty
May have the capacity to comprehend
The art and skills of driving
Reading, and simple math
Road signs are information icons at nearly every second
Of your travels
Geometry is a simple math a road sign informs you of
In pictures or words like:
Rectangular vehicles do not fit in Triangular lanes
Despite an Inability to read a Diamond-shaped Road Sign
Caddilac Escalades do not fit on 4" lines of white paint.
So here's the dilemma in SPACE
There are no TRAFFIC routes
No highways, no expressways, no regional roads, No side streets, no cul de sacs
No traffic lights, no road signs, no service stations
No fire, ambulance, or police emergency services
No school zones, no intersections
No parking lots, no malls
With all that missing
How in hell will a captain know where the hell he's going?
Or where he did go?
Or why he should go?
And if another captain comes by the same region of space...
Who has Right of Way?
Do they have turn signals on starships? Or our less advanced rockets and shuttles?
Is there a group of Extraterrestrials that
Police the universe's traffic?
How are you going to explain you didn't know how to signal
And didn't know the Crago ship from Alpha Centauri had Right of Way?
What will you do in traffic in space?
Clearly we need people like me to train the starship captains
On proper driver etiquette and skills
It's a much bigger commute
But I'm up for it.

Saturday, March 27, 2010


All things require 2 sides
Up requires Down
Forward requires Backward
Future requires Past
Left requires Right
Despite how many motorists seem to think it doesn't
Stop requires Go
Oxygen requires Carbon Dioxide
And that is why
Vegans requires Carnivores
Without that balance
We'd suffer from Oxygen Deprivation
Because no plants would survive
Now you know

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

More than the Planets you know

I came across this link from
William Shatner's new Scifi creative network

The link discusses celestial objects in or relative to
Our solar system that are classed
As something other than planets
For reasons we're not entirely sure of.


The sun's evil twin reminds me of the Neighbour Star Nemesis
In Isaac Asimov's book Nemesis, which I just read.

And just why is Ceres not being discussed?

Monday, March 08, 2010

Formula 1 2010 Edition

After a few months of celebration by team Brawn Mercedes
They no longer exist
Driver and Constructor World Champions
The Team is renamed as Merecedes Grand Prix
Jenson Button is now at McLaren Mercedes with Lewis Hamilton
That was the easy part
Red Bull and Toro Rosso remained status quo
Same drivers, same probability of doing well
Vettel and Webber at RB and Buemi and Alguersuari at TR
Ferrari lose Raikkonen to WRC rally and gain Fernando Alonso
And Felipe Massa returns from his horrific accident healthy
BMW left so Sauber takes over, now Sauber Motorsport
With Pedro De La Rosa and Kamui Kobayshi
Where is Captain Kirk everytime we say that?
Toyota left and Stefan took over but despite possibility
Of an opening they were not admitted to the lineup
That opening was for the much predicted demise of USF1
Which has been blamed on their team principals but
Was largely affected by Bernie Ecclestone's constant
Ranting that they had no chance of being ready
He was proven right, even if he caused it to a degree
That was Stefan's hope for an entry but it was denied.
Had they asked earlier when Toyota withdrew
They wouldn't have had to wait so long
When BMW withdrew that allowed Lotus in
As only Manor Campos and USF1 had slots given to them
Manor was quickly renamed Virgin F1 as
Lucky man Branson was funding their entry
Timo Glock and Lucas DiGrassi drive for him
Campos F1 would also have financial trouble
So a new owner saved them to become Hispania Racing Team (HRT)
With long awaited prospect Bruno Senna, and Karun Chandhok of India
The withdrawal of USF1 confirmed Sauber's entry
Renault was also questionable for funds
A Russian driver Vitaly Petrov complete with 12 Million euro
And Lada sponsorship seems to have them in good shape to partner
Polish phenom Robert Kubica
Lotus has Jarno Trulli and Heiki Kovalienen
Virgin and Lotus have a bet going for
Who among them finishes higher in the standings
Billionaires and their bets
Williams hire verteran Barrichello from Brawn and
Rookie Nico Hulkenberg already nicknamed THE HULK but he isn't really
Cosworth has returned after a few years away
Williams, HRT, Virgin, and Lotus will have Cosworths
Mercedes, McLaren and Force India will have Mercedes
Red Bull and Renault will use Renault
Ferrari, Sauber and Toro Rosso will use Ferrari
Stefan would have used Toyota but at present is still out
All teams run on Bridgestone which will also leave after the season
If that wasn't enough drama there is the highly expected
But mostly denied until it was obvious
Return of Michael Schumacher at Mercedes partnering Nico Rosberg
The drama continued when he didn't like car #4 and insisted on car #3
Because of his aversion to even numbers
A previous blog post has my response to that episode
With my aversion to odd numbers
Bahrain practice on March 12 2010, get ready for more drama
It is still possible that teams with pay drivers not performing
This reads Vitaly Petrov at Renault mostly
Will likely replace them with another name from the past
Jacques Villeneve, who at present is ready for Stefan
Despite Stefan not being admitted due to the employment
Of Mike Coughlin of McLaren-Ferrari spygate fame
So it would be great to have Jacques return
But as is often the case, the cards are stacked against him
Which is sad because he is better than the equipment he had
In his last efforts at Sauber and Renault
Had his team been included we would have five world champions
Button, Hamilton, Alonso, Schumacher, and Jacques
For now we have only four
And Rubens can be happy he is younger than two people now on the grid
Michael and Pedro are older

Tuesday, March 02, 2010

Dancing With The Stars

We now know the celebs being chosen
If you can call them that
Pamela Anderson is best known for being
A misinformed activist for PETA
A wife/girlfriend of a few rock stars
A tool girl on Home Improvement
A lifeguard on Baywatch
And maybe some well read magazine articles...
How are the costume people going to hold her in?
No furs too, they are so screwed.
Expect a ton of black bars on screen for several weeks.
That should keep Bruno amused indefinately.
Shannon Doherty continues DWTS
Pension for keeping the 90210 franchise
Alive and retro
She may have a little less difficulty
Staying in wardrobe, but isn't far off Pam
Kate Goselin and Jake the Batchelor
These are celebs?
OK Melissa was on, and she has found a niche for herself
As an announcer/presenter type person
But Jake wears a Kazoo helmet
Kate needs Nannys not a dance partner
Buzz Aldrin, space pioneer
Assuming he was a mid twenties astronaut in 1969
He's easily mid sixties to seventy now
Which is younger than Cloris
Will Mark Ballas' mom be dancing with him?
After all his dad danced with Cloris.
Gold Medalist Lycacek should be a favourite
Because his gold medal routine had no quads
So dancing should be about the same difficulty.
Lewis Hamilton's girlfriend aka
Pussycat Dolls Nicole Scherzinger
May be just as good as Maya but will probably lose in the final.
No disrespect to Donny last time
He was very good, and had a better final
But his popularity was impossible to crush.
Prediction: One of the people I didn't mention
Because I have no idea who they are.