Thursday, November 30, 2006


By John Ross Harvey

What happens when it rains?
It gets dark
It gets slippery
It’s hard to see
So why do motorists drive without lights?
What possible train of thought
Could make these people
Want to drive so poorly?
Do they think their grey car
On the grey road
Under a grey sky
Is visible?
We don’t need a wild experiment
To make an invisible man
We just need a motorist
Without lights in a rainstorm
There are thousands of these
Invisible beings every rainfall
Their eyesight is shot too
Heaven forbid they turn their lights on
High beam flashing them
Only makes you see them briefly
They will continue unabated
In their invisible form
Until someone that doesn’t see them
Finally hits them
And asks the question
What planet are you from?

Thursday, November 23, 2006


By John Ross Harvey

You’d think that vision would be a priority for people
But you’d be amazed how many drivers don’t think this way.
For the past two days there has been thick heavy Frost
For the past two days I have USED A SCRAPER!
Today, I stare at a driver in an SUV, and mouth the words
“You can’t see!”
Guess what he did?
He rolled the window down!
BECAUSE HE CAN’T SEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I told him:
“Scrape your windows and learn how to drive please.”
Realizing his inability to defeat the truth of the matter
He rolled his window back up and drove away.
This, in a neighbourhood full of children, waiting for school buses.
It’s Impaired Driving.
There is no Difference.
Suspend their Licenses
Anything less is not going to make these people learn.


By John Ross Harvey

Frost is as bad as snow
It impairs your vision
Don’t just use the defroster
Or the washer fluid
Get your hands in motion
And scrape those windows,
Lights, and mirrors.
Vision through tiny lines is
Not good enough
Don’t be a Defroster Dunce
Scrape the frost.

Monday, November 20, 2006


Originally posted at

By John Ross Harvey

What happens when you have nothing to do?
You’re bored.
But what are you bored of?
This question is not usually asked
Because, if you’re bored, nobody cares why?
Why not?
Shouldn’t someone care what bored you, to become bored?
Was the sun at such an angle to your vision to create drowsiness?
Hence boredom.
Was Tom Green talking?
Hence boredom.
Was George W. Bush talking?
Hence boredom.
What made you bored?
I have no idea.

Friday, November 17, 2006


By John Ross Harvey

It’s the American way
Win, or you’re a loser
Never it’s how you played
Or it’s the fun that counts
Just win, win, win, or lose.
I haven’t often won competitions
At least not physical ones
But I’m recently winning a virtual one.
Whatever do you mean by that?
Internet racing.
Sounds strange I know, let me explain.
You register, sign in, and then you choose
Formula 1 2006, 2002, 1986, or
BTCC Production or Touring, or
Champcar, or A1 GP, or
Aussie V8 series.
All except A1 have teammates.
You cooperate to setup your cars
With slider bar settings for various parameters
Like wings, tire pressures, anti roll bar etc.
The closer to perfect you get
With team mate cooperation
The better chance you will win.
Results are calculated every 24 hours for
Qualifying and Race results.
Here’s the new dilemma
How many wins does it take before
People playing with you
Begin to dislike you
For winning too much?
In one series I am winning a lot.
In another I’m not winning at all.
But the one I am winning a lot at
Is against a lot of top name players
I’ve won 4 of 11 races
7 other drivers including my teammate
Have won 1 race only.
I’m beginning to wonder if
This is bothering them
As I had no clue I’d be winning this much.
But I don’t know how to stop winning
If the game settings are allowing me to win.
What would you do to ease the grief
Of your competition?
Throw a race or two on purpose?
Thoughts please.

Barbie Doll Packaging

I post this as my daughter had a birthday party recently

By John Ross Harvey

How many silver twist ties are required
To hold a Barbie doll in cardboard?
Sure seems that way.
And sometimes you can’t find them
Because they are sandwiched between
Folded cardboard
And then the hair is threaded through
Clear plastic
And some of the ties go through
Plastic bars with holes in them.
Or worse yet, they are taped too!
I ask because my daughter must have
Every new Barbie that goes with each movie
Swan Lake, Rapunzel, and Pegasus etc.
And my wife and I have a years supply
Of silver twist ties from maybe 5 dolls.
Can you not just use that rub off glue
That balls up when you peel it?
It’d be a whole lot simpler.
I dread the release of the next DVD movie already.

Monday, November 13, 2006

Food Recalls

Not humour, only comment.

By John Ross Harvey

In the last several weeks
We’ve had recalls for of all things
And Chocolate Candy
E.coli in the carrots
A syringe found in a Ham
And Salmonella in Chocolate bars.
Doesn’t exactly make you want to eat anymore.
Does it?
These are 3 of the foods I actually eat.
Makes it much harder for myself to enjoy eating
When what I do eat could be harmful.
Foul play suspected?
I would think it’s more than a coincidence
That our food supply is being tampered with
Immediately before an Election
Someone is not happy with Government
And would kill innocents to convey their message
If you can’t speak up
Don’t take the cowardly road by harming the innocent.
Turn yourself in.

Friday, November 10, 2006

Life's Trials

Originally posted at

By John Ross Harvey

Hi, how’re you all doing?
Any parents here tonight?
I have two kids, boy, and girl, Million-dollar family.
It costs that much, you don’t make that much!
You know TOYS R US,
Kids favourite place, and Visa’s, but not parents.
Anyone here happy with the price of gas?
No, of course not it was 89.9 today!
It should be 69.9! Yeah! That was too high a year ago, now it’s a sale!
If I were in power to change that, gas would be 49.9 forever.
Like that? Yeah, you do, you drive an SUV!
Seriously Ugly Vehicle. Sucking Ungodly Volumes (of Fuel).
Since you know I have kids, you may wonder if I’m married.
I am.
If you’re watching the Discovery channel, and going along with the explanations of planets and stars,
You’re wife says; “ How do they know? They don’t its just a guess!”
OK I’ve watched Star Trek and Star Wars and the real thing looks cool to me.
Whether you know it or not, Space looks like a cool place to visit.
You never have to leave because it’ll take 50 lifetimes to see it.
If you believe the Discovery Channel.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006


By John Ross Harvey

Perhaps you’ve seen the recent ad campaign
For the Toronto Star
Ask Why?
Well, on that theme I have a few whys
Why does nobody understand the concept of the bar on a checkout conveyor?
Why does McDonald’s have two speakers when they use one?
Why do people never put their headlights on?
Why do they let people buy more than 8 items at the express checkout?
Why are tea drinkers discriminated regularly?
It’s always: “Do you want Coffee?” Never ask about tea.
If they have Vegetarian Pizza, why not Carnivore Pizza?
OK, they sell it, but they call it Meat lovers, or Meat supreme.
Why do people buy condos? Half the building has the bad view!
Why don’t “drivers” read road signs?
This lane ends, in word or picture format is apparently unreadable.
Why do “drivers” not pull over for Emergency Vehicles?
Someone might die because of their delayed reaction.
Why does North York salt the roads during flurries?
Why don’t we use sand instead?
There are less rust possibilities that way.
Why does a Cold take forever to get rid of?
Why are commercials getting worse?
Why did Faith Hill say “WHAT????” at the CMA’s?
Why do hairs grow in your nose and ears, when it doesn’t on your scalp?
Why is the worst customer service, the richest company in the world?
Why does Vaughan have grocery stores out the wazoo and no hospital?
Why did Corner Gas have Hank do a blog?
Because we need to know WHY!