Monday, February 26, 2007

Oscar Night 2007

By John Ross Harvey

Like most people
I’ve seen 1 of the top 5 nominated movies
And since that 1 won
I may not have to see the others.
The Departed was the quickest 2-½ hrs ever spent at the cinema.
The awards may have been the longest 4-½ hrs ever spent.
Perhaps I’m not alone but I track the categories
With 3 options to win
Will Win, Should Win, and Could Win
Will and Should may be same movie, Could is always the dark horse
If any of my W, S, and C picks miss, they become Other
My 24 Category score was 10W, 6S, 4C, 6 Other
Departed took 4
Pan’s Labyrinth took 3, but not Foreign Film
All five movie nominations were not shut out
They had at least 1 or 2
CARS, which should have won Animated Feature and Song
Lost in Both
Inconvenient Truth won Documentary Feature and Song
Al Gore beats Larry The Cable Guy
The shadow dancers were incredible
Jennifer Hudson could care less about George Clooney
She just won an Oscar!

Thursday, February 22, 2007

My Drive into Work in Today's Snow

By John Ross Harvey

Snow started around 7:10am in Woodbridge
I brushed the car 4 times before taking my
Children to their school bus stop
While waiting for the bus
At least 4 cars ran the stop sign there
Can they not see it?
They hop in to their completely Snow covered vehicle
And drive as is.
A Wiper blade swipe pass, a half rolled down window
Maybe some defroster lines
And they think they are safe?????????
As on a normal day, I would travel on the 400Hwy south
But snow prevents normal
So I take Weston Road south
7:45am to 9:35am for 35 Km
3 minutes and 8.5 s per km
Many vehicles without lights on in the blizzard
Many more vehicles without snow removed
If snow is on your mirror, you cannot see behind you
If snow is on your washer nozzles, you cannot spray
If snow is on your headlights and taillights, they are severely dimmed
If snow is in your wheel wells, steering becomes a problem
If snow covers your air grille, you can overheat, yes you can!
If snow covers your windows, you cannot see around you
Lack of Vision is Impairment; make no mistake
A snow-covered vehicle is equivalent to being drunk
There is no difference in the lack of safety both represent
Lights On, Snow Off, it’s simple, not Rocket Science

Don’t join the Three Forces of Evil
Mobile Snowbanks
Defroster Dunces &
The Wipers Only Brigade

Wednesday, February 21, 2007


By John Ross Harvey

Let’s face it
MONEY makes the world go around
It shouldn’t
But it does.
Nothing is achieved in life
Without having money to pay for it.
In my youth (read early 20’s)
I was able to afford Race Driving Lessons
From Jim Russell Racing School
At Mont Tremblant Quebec
I was never able to pay to go racing after that
My best racing has been Charity Go-kart events
For Huntington’s Disease
Actually my best racing has been on the Internet
I am a 9-time champion
Once in 1986 Formula 1 and
Eight times in Champcars
But back to the point
Without money, my racing career doesn’t exist
In order to enter Driver Development
Which was funded by Players
You needed to be able to pay for your racing
And prove you could fit the program.
2 cars, 1 house, 1 wife and 2 kids later
And not in that order
I can afford pretty much very little
Beyond food on the table, and paid bills
Well some paid bills (Visa ouch!)
It would cost be about $2500 to publish a book of my material
It would cost about $25 to sponsor Batracer
I’d like to do both
But that would require me to have more money
Than I do
With RRSP season on, I have even less
As I have automatic withdrawals for those.
In twenty years those may be useful to me
But right now it’s really more than I can afford
Are you in the same boat?
Can your paycheck support a family of four?
Perhaps I need a 2nd job?
That would prevent me from watching TV
And like most Canadians, I cannot miss my shows.
So, how can I make more money?
If an audition in Montreal is possible and successful
I hope to be on the next Last Comic Standing
I’m not telling you when or where though
I want my place in line.
2 minutes may change my life.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007


Originally posted at
reprised for new Amazing Race All-stars

By John Ross Harvey

It is said that men possess charm
Women are sexy
Men have charisma
Women have a demeanour
So what is charm?
Who has it?
Well, if Survivor and Amazing Race are clues
None other than Rob Mariano, Bahstun Rahb,
The Robfather, Robinator, Don Mariano himself.
Millions of women noticed him on All stars Survivor
Millions more on Amazing Race
Yeah, he was strategically manipulative,
But he had a goal and used his tools to achieve that goal.
Charm being one of them.
Every woman craves the not so nice guy.
Sawyer on LOST is the stubbled, mean guy, with a heart for the ladies.
Almost every romance movie has the bad boy.
But not all of them win the girl.
Bahstun Rahb did.
Does that make him charming?
Well if you consider he was basically nobody two years ago
And now he got married on TV
I’d say that he does indeed possess charm.
Charming Happy Amazing Race Man
I think it fits.

Monday, February 12, 2007

House M.D.

By John Ross Harvey

Are you a fan of House M.D.?
I am
Who could possibly like an egotistical jerk like him?
Well, he’s really just a fan of identifying stupidity.
Something I enjoy.
So I see a lot of me in Dr. House.
However, last week’s episode writers should be fired.
The episode was OK overall, but one scene bothered me.
House was driving a Mobile Snowbank.
You can’t tell me that a Super Intelligent Neurologist
Would ever choose to drive an Impaired vehicle!
If he were as smart as we think he is, he’d have cleaned the snow off!
OK, actually, he’d probably tell Wilson to do it.
I do believe the actor is stupid enough to drive that way.
You always hear about actors in car accidents.
I simply do not believe HOUSE should be that stupid.
I’m producers are smart; they will change that scene for the DVD set.
That’s just my opinion, but I’m right.

Friday, February 02, 2007

Groundhog Day

By John Ross Harvey

It’s official at 8:07am EST
Wiarton Willie did not see his shadow!
Spring is around the corner.
What corner?
How long is around the corner?
2 minutes?
A week?
6 weeks?

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Automotive Advertising

By John Ross Harvey

We have an organization called MADD
Mothers Against Drunk Driving
It doesn’t go far enough, drunk is too literal,
Impaired is what matters.

Jeep had advertised a fully mud-covered Cherokee
In the middle of a city
And people with muddy faces that checked it out.


Subaru had advertised a snow-covered vehicle
Turning on its wipers to allow another Subaru
To take it’s parking spot.


Canadian Tire has had many commercials with
Snow-covered vehicles driving.
The latest transgression is to advertise Wiper Blades.
A mother drives a Mobile Snowbank
To pick up her child,
And all they sell in this commercial is Wiper Blades!


To be accurate they should sell the snowbrush and ice scraper
Also required to make the vehicle safe.

Another truck company, perhaps Toyota though I don’t recall
Had a perfectly clean pickup park next to
Several fully mud covered pickups
And the driver had to admit, “I just had it washed.”


Chevy advertising its Silverado pickup
Had one of the boss’ hired hands
At the construction site bring his truck
Fully washed.
The boss immediately made it DIRTY!


False advertising may be a crime, but why are we allowing this
Type of advertising to continue.

People do drive in the manners shown on these ads.

It needs to end.