Monday, November 19, 2007

Parked Car Etiquette

By John Ross Harvey

There are rules to parking
If in a driveway, do not block a sidewalk
If in a mall, use a parking space
Only use a designated space if you qualify
For that designation
If on a street, do not park at the intersection
Directly behind the stop sign
When you are parked on the street
And traffic is moving to get around you
Wait your turn to enter traffic
You should never start up and go
As vehicles on your left are likely
Only there because you parked on the right
And will most likely require that right lane
To turn from
I see this far too often at Starbuck’s at
Queen and Dovercourt in Toronto
They are parking illegally already
Then they simply continue from their illegal
Parking space
To annoy the traffic that is legally in the lanes
You have been given eyesight for a reason
Use it properlyDo not enter traffic without checking for clear access.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Driving Instructors

By John Ross Harvey

It shouldn’t be just me
But motorists in my part of this world
Are normally very bad
Personally I blame the instructors
Many of which drive as poorly as
The rest of the motorists that annoy me.
Headlights are your #1 safety tool
They provide visibility for you and
More importantly visibility “of you”
Far too many “instructors” do not insist on using these
In conditions where they are definitely required
They also seem to be teaching this turning in wrong lane disease
Left turns go to left lanes, not centre, not right, LEFT!
Right turns go to right lanes, not centre, and not left, RIGHT!
Most of these learner vehicles are grey
Mostly the skies are grey
Always the roads are grey
Grey cars, grey roads, grey skies, no lights, NO SEE!
No wonder everyone I encounter on my commutes
Cannot drive properly
The Instructors cannot drive properly either!
Light travels faster than a car
It’s not rocket science it’s more visible than your car
So why prove stupidity by not using them?
I will close and say one thing of instructors I’ve seen
Only “Young Drivers” instructors use headlights properly
No other company I’ve seen does.
We don’t live in Australia where everything is backwards to us.
Go forward, be Canadian, use a light switch!

Monday, November 12, 2007

When To Turn On Headlights

By John Ross Harvey

Clue#1: The sky isn’t blue
Clue#2: It’s raining
Clue#3: It’s foggy
Clue#4: It’s dark out
Clue#5: You’re car is grey
Clue#6: You can’t see
Clue#7: Someone hit you…..too late!

Friday, November 09, 2007

A Day In The Life of a Torontonian Motorist

A Day In The Life of a Torontonian Motorist
By John Ross Harvey

The sky isn’t blue
Which should be a clue
To put my lights on
But I’d rather drive a grey car
On a grey road
Under a grey sky
To multiply my stupidity
With invisibility
Since I don’t have a brain
I wont put them on in the rain
It’s much easier to be ignorant than safe
When I turn left I’ll head for the right lane
And when I turn right I’ll head for the left lane
I enjoy proving I haven’t got brains
I have Directional Deficit Disorder
The intersection is blocked
But I’m a blind sheep to a green light
I enter because I cannot think for myself
I have no idea why my Escalade doesn’t fit on that
Little white line
I know I don’t fit, but I am a twit
Blocking the intersection because my brain has lost function
I suffer from Blocked Intersectiontis
While I’m at it
I may as well make several lane changes
Without ever signaling
To prove I must be drunk
Because I can’t drive straight
To top it off I will
Intentionally drive behind parked cars
In attempts to pass people with
Enough common sense to drive in a lane
That actually moves
Because I need to prove that
I’m also a Pathetic Parked Car Passing Putz