Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Ode to Mookie Wilson - Spider Go Away

By John Ross Harvey

Don’t you hate spiders?
Don’t you wish they were more considerate
Of your personal space?
Hey spider I know you like
The space between the trees in my yard
But I’m tired of eating cobwebs
Every time I walk through there!
Be a good spider and find a new home
My taste buds need to recover.

Monday, August 27, 2007

Video Games - Nintendo Wii

By John Ross Harvey

Well my other posts were written before the next generation
Consoles came out :X Box 360, Playstation 3,
And the best system, Nintendo Wii
Why do I say that?
How many grandparents will join you on an X-Box 360?
How many will battle you on a Playstation 3?
Know why?
Because the Wii is better.
The whole family can play, not just watch
The Wii is completely wireless and highly active
Golf, Tennis, Racing, Baseball, Bowling, and Boxing
All physically involved activities
That you can do on a Wii
Backswings, Backhands, apexes, curveballs, strikes and jabs
All possible to be realistic motions on a Wii
Did I mention it’s about half the price of the other two?
X-Box 360 and Playstation are still all thumbs
Complete with Carpel Tunnel Syndrome at that.

Friday, August 24, 2007

Misleading Ads

By John Ross Harvey

The ad industry seems to be going with
The reverse psychology approach
Make them think about something else
Then throw our ad at them
Subway sandwiches have their “fresh moments”
And their best one, is almost a let-down
I so wanted to have the DVD
Pirate Penguins
But it was just a Subway “fresh moment”
I’m not hungry anymore.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

By John Ross Harvey

Recently prices have been in the low $1.05.1 range
The odd time a SALE for $0.99.9
And just yesterday went down to a shocking $0.94.4
So naturally being close to empty
I filled up the car for work, and filled up the van when I got home
So this morning I was none too impressed
To see $0.92.1 for gas
And on my travels even found $0.91.1
It’s quite sad that $0.91.1 is a deal
Soon $1.21.9 will be a deal
But I need a much higher paying job for that
Or a lottery win
Actually I did win, but only $5.00
Barely more than 5L of gas
At least for today

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Starbucks - No Drive Throughs

By John Ross Harvey

Have you ever noticed
That Starbucks has no drive-throughs?
They intentionally expect you to be walking
It is not a park and go coffee shop
But that’s what people do
Park and Go
Park illegally and Go if they’re lucky enough
To not get a parking ticket
Because there is no legal parking at Starbucks
There is no drive-through at Starbucks
Because understanding their coffee ordering language
Means you need 10 minutes for 1 drink
Just to order it
Never mind if you’re getting more than one
Serving illegally parked people in your neighbourhood
Since we expanded into the Canadian marketplaceOne Café Latte Wet Grande Mocha Cappuccino Espresso Columbian to go

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Meat In The Teeth

By John Ross Harvey

How many people here eat meat?
Ever get it caught in your teeth?
Who hasn’t?
You always get it stuck.
Pork, beef, chicken, meat gets stuck.
Even pepperoni from pizza gets stuck.
Toothpicks don’t work
Fingernails don’t work
Somehow, someway, it just goes away.
I think I know how.
Meat in the teeth gnomes come while you sleep.
They pull the meat out and feast for the night.
And you thought they just stood in your garden.
Do you have a better explanation?