By John Ross Harvey
Maxwell House: “Good to the Last Drop.”
Meaning: It’ll never be great
Timex: “It takes a licking and keeps on ticking.”
Meaning: Our parts are so big they can’t possibly be re-arranged.
Mazda: “Zoom, zoom, zoom.”
Meaning: Our marketing guys got bored.
Coca-Cola: “It’s the real thing.”
Meaning: Pepsi isn’t real
Zest: “You’re not clean until you’re Zestfully clean.”
Meaning: A non-soap with the name of an orange peel needs help
Nike: “Just do it.”
Meaning: We can’t compete with the Adidas acronym
“All Day I Dream About Sex.”
KFC: “Finger licking good.”
Meaning: We hope you like grease, we have lots.
Rice Krispies: “Snap! Crackle! Pop!”
Meaning: Rice is boring we needed some excitement
Hallmark: “When you care enough to send the very best.”
Meaning: Don’t buy other cards, especially Carlton
Walmart: “Always low prices. Always.”
Meaning: If you say it twice, maybe it’s true.
Apple (Mac): “Power to be your best.”
Meaning: Ctrl-Alt-Del is not required for a restart
Subway: “Eat fresh.”
Meaning: Don’t eat frozen burgers
Smarties: “Do you eat the red ones last?”
Meaning: Be careful red ones may contain Red Dye #5
Tim Horton’s: “Rrroll up the rim to win.”
Meaning: Fat chance you’re winning boy.
Lays: “Bet you can’t eat just one.”
Meaning: How many people are dumb enough to try
Crest: “Look, Ma, no cavities!”
Meaning: Don’t buy Colgate
Schlitz: “The Beer that made Milwaukee famous.”
Meaning: Stop buying cheap Old Milwaukee
Purina: “All you add is love.”
Meaning: It tastes like dirt the poor dog needs something
York Peppermint: “Get the sensation.”
Meaning: We can’t compete with chocolate bars
Esso: “Put a Tiger in your tank.”
Meaning: We will continue to sue Frosted Flakes
Campbell’s: “Mm, mm good.”
Meaning: Stop buying Lipton’s
Whisk: “Ring around the collar.”
Meaning: Annoying works
Tab: “How can one calorie taste so good?”
Meaning: We lucked out with this experiment
Yellow Pages: “Let your fingers do the walking.”
Meaning: We thought that up during the dial phone era.
Nice & Easy: “Does she or doesn’t she?”
Meaning: Clairol is more colourful than us.