Tuesday, September 11, 2007

The Unintelligent Motorist

By John Ross Harvey

It’s a stoplight
The left lane is clear ahead of the guy in it
The right lane is full of parked cars
I’m going to take the right lane to pass him
I need to prove I’m a moron

The highway exit is coming up
500m on the right
I’m in the left lane
I’ll drive for 499m
Then dive across
That’ll prove I’m an idiot

I’m entering a highway
There’s space behind this car
A lot of space
But it’s not ahead of the guy
I’ll push my luck and aim to go in front
I need to prove I’m a jerk

The light is green
There is no room on the other side of the intersection
Why should I care?
I failed Geometry
Who cares if I fit?
Hey, the lights RED!
I’ve proven I’m a Loser

I’m turning left into a two-lane road
I’ll just slide over to the right lane
I could care less what you think?
I have no brains at all

I need to turn left
But I’m in the right lane
So I’ll go anyway
What painted arrows?
I’m ignorant

I need to pick up a bag of milk
There’s space at the door
While I have such a good spot, may as well keep shopping
“Fire Lane-No Parking $5000 fine”
So sue me!
I’m an absolute bastard

It’s fog, rain, or darkness
Why bother to put my lights on?
Put yours on instead
So my car’s invisible
I could care less
I have to prove I have zero intelligence

There’s dew, frost, ice, snow, or mud covering my windows
And the rest of my car
Why make the effort to remove it
If my wipers let me see forwards
Who cares what’s behind or beside me?
I don’t care if I can’t see youI do what I want, if you hit me, it’s your fault
I need to prove I’m IMPAIRED

It’s a school zone
But I’m in a hurry
I can’t slow down for kids
I’ll speed up
I have no heart or soul

It’s a school bus with flashing lights
It’s on the other side so
I don’t care
I’ll keep going
I’m a potential murderer

The emergency sirens are wailing
Why check the mirrors or look
I need to turn here
I can’t waste my time looking
I’m turning here!
I don’t care about the human life you didn’t save because of me

I personally do not condone any of the above behaviour
It is written from their perspective
Until the last line of each
Which is my opinion of their behaviour

The sad reality is I see this behaviour
All the time
It’s downright sickening

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