Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Acronym Monologue

Hello Everybody Laugh Lots OK
My real name is John: John’s Only Highly Nervous or John Only Has Name
You are the Audience: Audience Usually Decides I’m Exceptional Now Clapping Excitedly
The Olympics are on: Olympics Let You Marvel at People In Competition, Stupendous!
I drink Tea: Tea Especially Always
Not Coffee: Coffee’s Only For Fanatics Especially Espresso.
I drove a Mazda : Mostly Accommodating Zooming Drivers Any-day
I have a house : Home Of Unusually Structured Engineering
I Bowl :Beer-guts On Wide Lanes
I have Email : Electronic Messages Aimed at Inducing Laughter
I get Spam: Spewed Personally Accosting Messages
I have a Boy: Boy’s Overly Yell
Man is he loud: Loud Overly Underrated Decibels
I have a girl: Girl’s are Irresistibly Really Lovable, especially your own.
I’m Bald: Baldness Always Looks Dapper, Don’t you think?
I’m Short: Shortness Has Overly Rowdy Tendencies.........Nah!
I have a boss: Bosses Only Sound Serious
His name is Tony: Tony Only Needs You!
Any Bobs in the audience? Are you a boss Bob?
Bob Orders Bruce?
Bruce? Brutally Really Underpaid Corporate Employee
I had a Neighbour named Colin: Colin Only Likes Interesting Neighbours
or Colin Only Likes Interac Now
He loves his garage: Garage A Regular Area of Guys Especially
What car do you drive?
Do you drive a Honda or a BMW? If so, please leave the room, as my acronyms for them are less than desirable.
Brain Membranes Went and How Often No one Drives Appropriately.
OK, I haven’t had good experience with them, for those that are good drivers with those cars how about this?
Brilliant Machinery Wonder, and Has Only New Drivers Anyway.
OK, there are others on the Net, that I do know but cannot claim to have created
such as Chevrolet, Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips,
but I call them Crud Heaps Every Vehicle Year. Vegas rusted in the showroom!
There are many for Ford, like Fast Only Rolling Downhill, Found On Road Dead, Fix Or Repair Daily,
First On Race Day being a better one, how about For Only Redheaded Debutantes?
Stand Up: Simply Telling Audiences New Deliveries is Understandably Pleasing.
There is a lot of pain and grief in the world
With the recent Terrorism: Terrorist Extremists Rampaging Rebellion Over Religion Is Simply Mad!
I enjoy racing. They have Practice: Practice Racing At Course To Improve Competitiveness Eventually.
They Qualify : Qualifying Usually Accepts Life’s Immediacy For You
They Race: Race Actively Competitively Exceptionally
Before they do that they must Grid, I gridded cars at Mosport and Molson Indy, to get the point across I might say on the PA system: Grid Racecars Immediately Drivers.
Face It Acronyms are all around you. You drive an SUV, Seriously Underrated Vehicles.
Or you use the TTC, Toronto’s Taxi Companies, just kidding.
The Government lives for Acronyms like MTO, and ORC, otherwise known as Misguided Transportation Organization and Overpopulated Realty Commission.
We all need TLC: Taxes Lifted Certainly
You probably eat BLT’s: Brown Lettuce on Toast
You may have AOL: Always Overly Laborious
Or AT&T: Attack with Telephone Today
Who drinks Beer? Beer’s Extra Especially Refreshing, But
Don’t Drive Drunk. Drunk Recluses Underrate Needless Killing
Stay Sober. Sobriety Of Beer Especially Required.
That’s It for Me I’m Done. Done, Over, Now Exiting.
Thank You: Thanks Has A Nice Kharma You Out-rightly Understand
And Goodbye: Good Outstanding Ovations Desired By You Especially.

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