TRAFFIC

Originally posted at www.threeforcesofevil.typepad.com on June 27, 2005

The post which created the blog name is back

TRAFFIC
By John Ross Harvey

Hi, how’re we all doing?
How many people drive in Toronto?
I despise Toronto drivers, you know like BMW means
Brain Membranes Whacked, and HONDA means How Often Nobody Drives Actually!
How many of you drive a grey or silver shade of car?
Do you ever put your lights on?
Let’s think about this, it’s almost never sunny outside, its rain, its fog, and its overcast.
Grey car, Grey road, Grey sky, No lights, NO SEE!
I’ll bet 95% of car accidents are grey cars nobody even saw.
They should go to Oz and find a Brain, as it isn’t working today.
At night there are people in Black cars with Day (dumb)-timers
Hello! Black car, Black sky, Black road, No lights, NO SEE!
I bet all accidents at night are Black cars you never saw!
No lights at Night, No Brain in Sight.
How many of you drive in the Winter?
Do we have a choice?
How many of you drive a clean car in the winter?
You actually know what a snowbrush is.
You’ve heard of the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse?
People that don’t clear snow are what I call The Three Forces Of Evil.
Mobile Snow banks, Defroster Dunces, and The Wipers Only Brigade!
White cars, White road, White Sky, No Lights, NO SEE!
I bet all accidents in Winter are White cars that may have been another colour if they were clean!
You’ve heard of Hell’s Kitchen?
It’s being stuck in an Intersection when the light changes to green for opposing traffic.
Here’s a hint for you
Don’t cross an intersection you don’t fit
If you do you become a Twit!
If you cannot go through it,
Don’t even do it.
If you can't cross it, don't block it.
You block an intersection,
Your brain does not function.
You ever travel with those guys that go all the way left to go all the way right at the next exit
Or they barrel down the escape lane until its non-existent and hope a hapless fool lets them in.
These people are LLL’s with DDD.
Lost Lane Losers with Directional Deficit Disorder.
They’re the same people that hop between parked cars on a two-lane street.
Pathetic Parked Car Passing Putzes.
You can bet they are BMWs and Hondas
The worst people are the ones that ignore School zones and School buses
What planet are they from?
Anyone that disrespects the rights of children by not obeying the school bus signals
Or slowing down in a school zone is not a Human being.
They must be Aliens.
Have a great night, and stay away from my car!