Friday, April 13, 2007

What Can I Make Funny?

By John Ross Harvey

People that do stand-up
Make fun of themselves
Foxworthy is a Redneck
Albeit slightly smarter than the ones he makes fun of.
Engvall probably had a sign, a few times
Larry probably had difficulty in getting done
Carlin is probably not a big fan of baseball
Letterman needs top 10s
And Conan has funny hair
What can I make funny?
Nothing defines the stupidity of motorists like Weather does
If it rains, their ability to find a light switch is non-existent
If it snows their ability to use a snowbrush is beyond comprehension
If it frosts, an ice scraper is the furthest thing from their minds
If it’s fog, they’re probably driving a grey car
Lights On in the Rain!
Prove you actually have a Brain!
A person’s Inability to clear snow is equaled by their lack of Intelligence!
Defrosters are not quick enough, you can’t see behind those bars!
The road is grey, the fog is grey, and your car is Invisible!
You know the Mini-tire?
The wheel barely bigger than a dinky toy you get instead of a real tire.
It says do not travel in excess of 80 km/h (50 mph)
Obviously people that put them on cannot read
I’ve seen more Mini tires on major highways than I’ve seen real Minis.
Apparently there are people incapable of reading a drawing
Most road signs are really drawings
You know it’s two lanes now, but one becomes a triangle
Rectangular cars don’t fit into triangles
You’d be amazed how many people don’t realize this
Until the triangle happens
There are other road signs that indicate highway exits
Main Street 500m on with a right arrow
Guaranteed someone 3 lanes to the left needs to turn at Main Street
And they’ll use 499 m before doing so.
In the city they have a useful sign
Apparently these are the 4 hardest words of the English language
Besides myself, nobody can read them!
Let me explain what the traffic lights mean
Red is obvious you stop, even if your 4 cars back turning left against the advance
Flashing red means you must yield to opposing traffic.
Yellow (Amber) is Prepare to Stop, not speed up to beat the red.
If you can stop, you do stop.
Flashing Amber means opposing traffic must yield to you, but don’t expect them to.
Green does not mean Go.
What does it mean then?
Proceed when way is Clear, if it’s not clear, you Stop!
Flashing green, or green with an arrow, is an advanced light.
These are the ones you cannot go on
Because some guy four cars back turning left on a red prevents you from doing so.

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