Thursday, June 21, 2007

More Driving Commandments

By John Ross Harvey

First a recap
The Vatican’s 10 commandments:

1. You shall not kill.
2. The road shall be for you a means of communion between people and not of mortal harm.
3. Courtesy, uprightness and prudence will help you deal with unforeseen events.
4. Be charitable and help your neighbor in need, especially victims of accidents.
5. Cars shall not be for you an expression of power and domination, and an occasion of sin.
6. Charitably convince the young and not so young not to drive when they are not in a fitting condition to do so.
7. Support the families of accident victims.
8. Bring guilty motorists and their victims together, at the appropriate time, so that they can undergo the liberating experience of forgiveness.
9. On the road, protect the more vulnerable party.
10. Feel responsible toward others.

And my First ten

1. Single thy intentions with an indicator light
2. Obey thy school zone speed limits, and thy school bus stop lights
3. Impairment is not from alcohol alone. Always ensure thy visibility, clean snow, rain, mud, frost, and other articles of potential vision impairment at all times
4. Use thy headlights, real headlights, we cannot see thy grey car without them
5. Read and obey all thy traffic signage and lighting. Never blocketh thy intersection.
6. Never drive in thy wrong lane, if turning right, don’t do so from left, and vise versa
7. Driving is a courtesy, not a privilege, respect thy fellow motorists
8. Be awake and alert before driving thy vehicle
9. Avoid distractions, like thy beverages, cell phones, and pda’s, use wisely.
10. Maintain thy vehicle, to prevent vehicular disasters, check thy air pressure.

So let’s come up with some more.

11. Thou shall not own a BMW, as it doth destroy all driving knowledge.
12. Thou shall not put whiteout taillights on a vehicle so that it brakes Pink!
13. Thou shall not swerve into opposing traffic to avoid manholes, potholes, and other obstacles too tall for thy dropped Honda Civic
14. Thou shall not drive a Hummer and deplete the world’s gasoline supply
15. Thou shall not take more than one lane upon turning
16. Thou shall not take the escape lanes to their triangular limits, whether starting from there or entering it as a means to prove you’re a complete idiot
17. Thou shall not carry devices capable of intercepting radar or communication from police band radio
18. Thou shall not put opaque acrylic plate covers to avoid paying tolls for the 407
19. Thou shall not endanger children’s lives by speeding in residential streets
20. Thou shall not honk one’s horn mere nanoseconds after a traffic light has changed

And perhaps a few more then?

21. Thou shall not honk one’s horn at the motorist waiting for pedestrians to cross
22. Thou shall not drive up the inside of the driver turning in front of you
23. Thou shall not pull behind a transport truck out of sight of its mirrors
24. Thou shall not disregard openings in traffic presented for you to leave your lane, doing so means you have less chance of getting it back
25. Thou shall not push for a space in front of a motorist you do not fit in, when the available lane behind that motorist could hold the population of China
26. Thou shall understand that Grey cars, on grey roads, under grey skies, are invisible
27. Thou shall understand that Black cars, on black roads, under black skies are invisible too
28. Thou shall understand that driving a Snow bank is being Impaired
29. Thou shall understand that a Green Light does not mean go ahead and block the intersection you moron
30. Thou shall always pull over when a siren is heard. Ambulance, Fire, or Police, if you don’t pull over or stay out of the intersection they need to get through, the police should prevent you from ever getting behind a wheel ever again.

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