ODE TO LARRY THE CABLE GUY
WORDS OF WISDOM
By John Ross Harvey
Read Slowly
1. A day without sunshine is not too bright.
2. On the other foot, you have different toes.
3. 57.3 percent of all statistics aren’t made up on the spot. (I said, 'Read slowly'
4. 1 percent of lawyers have a good name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are above average.
6. He who laughs first thinks the fastest.
7. Anger is merely depression with enthusiasm.
8. The early bird may get the worm, but why would he want too?
9. Support bacteria. They're more cultured than some people I know.
10. A bad memory is the sign of a clear conscience.
11. Change is inevitable, except from Politicians and vending machines.
12. Try missing a couple of payments, then you’ll know who cares.
13. Raise my hand if you believe in psycho-kinesis?
14. OK, is the speed of light faster than speed of dark?
15. When you're in the wrong lane. Things keep coming at you.
16. Laziness pays off now. Hard work is for other people.
17. How much deeper would the ocean be without Sponge Bob?
18. Weasels may be vermin, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
19. If you get scared half to death, twice, do you know?
20. How good is a psychic asking you for your name?
21. There is a younger person inside older persons
Wondering, 'What the heck happened?'
22. Just remember -- we would all fall off the world
If it didn’t suck.
23. Why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Because light travels faster than sound.
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