Monday, December 21, 2009

Traffic Rant

By John Ross Harvey

My name is John
I know how to drive
I’m from Canada
Where most people think
It snows 365 days a year
It’s less actually
More like 165 days
I know what a snowbrush is
How it works
And how to use it
I’ve seen an ice scraper before
I know how that works too
Impaired motorists are not just
Inebriated by alcohol
They are also lazy bums that don’t have a clue
How to operate a snowbrush.
I’ve never parked in a fire lane
Because I possess a brain
Capable of READING!
I’ve never confused my vehicle
With a fire truck
I’m not an ignorant illiterate schmuck!
Green does not mean go
When there is no room on the other side
Of the intersection
Blocking the intersection
Proves a lack of brain function
Green does not mean Go
It means Proceed If and When the Way is Clear
If it’s not CLEAR it’s not When you PROCEED!
I’ve never confused a side street
With a parking space for idiots
Traffic does actually move in opposite directions to your
Maniacal ego!
Escape lanes are for people to ENTER traffic
Not for LOSERS to pass traffic
A lack of geometry skill is proof
A two year old is smarter than you are
They can at least identify shapes
A diamond shaped road sign
Informing you your Rectangular vehicle
Will no longer proceed into a Triangular lane!
I’ve never driven in lanes
Occupied by parked cars
In order to pass people
I’ve never confused a Parked Car
With one that is Actually Moving!
If you do any of these moronic activities
You are NOT a driver!
Only a Moronic Motorist
Thinks they are more important than
The rest of the Universe!
While they pass from behind parked cars
While they park in Fire Lanes
While they enter escape lanes
While they confuse roadways with parking spaces
All in order to prove their geometry skill
Is less than that of a two year old
While never clearing their vehicle
Of IMPAIRING snow and frost
Because they cannot master the SKILL
Of using a Snowbrush or Ice Scraper
Because they’d rather prove their stupidity
By operating a vehicle they
Cannot see out of!
Yet more proof that

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