Originally posted July 6, 2005 at www.threeforcesofevil.typepad.com
By John Ross Harvey
All carmakers have slogans
You’ve heard them
But what do they mean?
Chevy: Like a Rock!
Completely devoid of Beauty whatsoever.
Pontiac: Built for Drivers.
That cannot find a light switch.
VW: Drivers Wanted!
Because they haven’t got any yet.
Dodge: Grab life by the Horns.
Prepare to die in our vehicle instead.
Mercedes-Benz: Engineered to move the Human Spirit.
For an Arm, leg, and other appendages.
Honda: The Power of Dreams.
Keep dreaming kid this isn’t a Ferrari
Acura: Precision Crafted Performance
A really expensive Honda
Volvo: For Life
You have kids and this is your wagon
Subaru: When you Get it, You Get it
Our commercials are bad
Ford: Have you Driven a Ford Lately?
Stop buying Chevys
BMW: The Ultimate Driving Machine
For Idiots than can afford it but cannot drive
Jaguar: Unleash a Jaguar
Buy lots of oil, the trail is your leash
Jeep: There’s Only One
But we keep getting copied
Hyundai: Drive Your Way
We’re so cheap you can take your pick
Lexus: The Passionate Pursuit of Perfection
With a Price to Match
Porsche: There is No Substitute
Speed, and good looks, babe magnet baby!
Oldsmobile: This is not your Father’s Oldsmobile
But our technology is that old
Cadillac: Break Through
Our styling is unique
Saab: Find Your Own Road
Saabs are that Ugly.