Originally posted July 4, 2005 at www.threeforcesofevil.typepad.com
By John Ross Harvey
You’ve seen the LED displays on the highways
Arrive Alive, Don’t Drink and Drive.
Be Courteous, Let Motorists Merge.
They’re not Loud Enough, the Message is Lost.
They should say stuff like this:
Don’t suffer from Directional Deficit Disorder, Read a Road Sign!
Don’t be a Lost Lane Loser, Merge before its Too Late!
Put your Lights On Moron!
We Can’t Read your Mind, Use a Turn Signal!
If You Tailgate, They will BRAKE!
Shoulders are for Losers!
Escape Lanes are for the Other guys, Not you!
If you hear a Siren, Move out of the way Idiot!
Traffic Is Slow, Don’t push your Luck.
Lane Hopping is for Losers!
Get out of Lane 2, Trucks are Pissed at You!
Welcome to Toronto, where Nobody knows How to Drive!
Buy a Snowbrush, Stop Driving a Snowbank!
It’s Raining. Have you found a Light Switch Lately?
It’s Foggy, but you can’t read this.
They’re called Mirrors!
If you hear the Train, your Time is Short!
If you’re turning Right, Don’t use the Left Lane!
Is it your Exit? Pay Attention!
That Flashing Red Light is for You!
Speed Trap Ahead! Made you Look!