Thursday, August 17, 2006

Food Rules

By John Ross Harvey

Ketchup is for children under 10
It doesn’t belong on eggs or grilled cheese sandwiches
I do not need therapy

Mandarin oranges belong in Jell-O
Other oranges can be eaten as is

Steak must be eaten first to prevent it from becoming overdone
Well done is an oxymoron, it isn’t
Medium rare is a perfectly done steak

Vegetables must be eaten first
Unless it’s a steak dinner

Mixed foods are not allowed unless you created that mix
And actually enjoy it
Cranberries and Rice are a perfect example of a mix I enjoy
Ketchup and Eggs never will be

Chocolate is always welcome

Potato chips (crisps to some) are very addictive and
The bags are too small

I must wait for allergy-affected friends of my children to leave
Before I eat any Peanut product, and so should you.
I could eat peanuts for hours, but not while they are around.

Pizza requires meat and cheese
Vegetables are already accounted for in the tomato sauce.
That’s enough.

Burgers require cheese and bacon, not lettuce and tomato.

Salad isn’t food.
According to John Pinette it’s a promisary note that food will arrive.
Meat is food.

Carb counters hate bread
I love bread, especially Rye bread or Pumpernickel
I don’t count carbs

Fried potatoes, (home fries or French fries (chips) to some)
Baked potatoes, or Mashed are acceptable w/ a meat meal
Scalloped is not
In Ireland however you might get all of these

Anything you can count must be divided evenly
If there are 21 Smarties, you must make 22
And if the colours are not even, you have to fix that too

It costs $25 to feed a family at McDonald’s and still be hungry
It costs $26 for an overpriced Pizza and a 32oz Coke at Wonderland
We were no longer hungry
Imagine if we bought the Pizza elsewhere?
It might have been $14.

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