ROOTCANAL
By John Ross Harvey
What started as a possible ear-ache
Became a very strange day indeed
Going to the walk-in clinic complaining of my ear
The doctor uses his light device and said I have
No problem with my ears
He put pressure on my jaw, and pain switched sides
So I was told it was jaw problem,
Slightly out of alignment
A dentist would better be able to confirm this
Well, that didn’t help the fact that my ear still hurt
Take lots of Advil he said, not much else you can do
Thanks, doing that, not exactly working
Tell my wife what the doctor said
She insists I see the dentist
I mention at the dentist what the doctor said
They know that jaw condition and suggest a
Panoramic x-ray
Nice little radiation device spinning around my head
OK
I fill out my forms and wait for the result in a chair
The dentist shows me a tooth model
You don’t have a jaw problem
You have a big hole in your tooth
Not just any tooth, a molar with
Nerves attached to main nerve
That travels to your ear
So my tooth is hurting my ear
And we have to fix it
You need a root canal
OK
He’ll fit me in today so I’m not in pain for the weekend
(Today being yesterday)
OK
So I get the monster needle of Novocain inserted
I can’t feel my tongue
“Has the freezing kicked in?” he asks
I make some sort of “uh-huh” sound
They attach some kind of rubber shield device
To prevent leaking of whatever he’s using on my tooth
He does his drilling and extracting of dead tooth material
Apparently my teeth are highly curved roots, not straight at all
So it took longer than normal
It got filled with silver I can’t sell to pay for gasoline
He shakes my hand and says I’m done
Honestly not that much pain
The ear-ache was more pain than the operation
OK I have Anti-biotics and Advil in my system
This may deaden some of the feeling
But to everyone that thinks a Root Canal is Painful
WIMPS!
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
Magnetic Field - Volume V
MAGNETIC FIELD – VOLUME V
By John Ross Harvey
We’re buying a lot of gas these days,
Our bank accounts are feeling it
The banks seem to accept we’re all broke
But the Gas stations simply don’t care
They install the convenient machines at the pump
So you can Interac or use a Credit Card
But the annoying ones
I’m talking about ESSO
Have this stupid button for Speedpass
Something else to waste your money on
Except it’s right next to the keypad
You need to hide your code on
And because I have a Magnetic Hand
I cannot operate these machines
Without it claiming I cannot enter my Speedpass
At this time
Well, I’m not, I don’t have one
I’m covering the keypad with my left hand
The magnetic hand
Which their Speedpass button thinks
Is a real Speedpass.
Do me a favour, rip the machines out
I have to yell at the cashier because the
Lousy pump machine won’t work
Because my hand registers as a Speedpass.
Life is tough with powers
By John Ross Harvey
We’re buying a lot of gas these days,
Our bank accounts are feeling it
The banks seem to accept we’re all broke
But the Gas stations simply don’t care
They install the convenient machines at the pump
So you can Interac or use a Credit Card
But the annoying ones
I’m talking about ESSO
Have this stupid button for Speedpass
Something else to waste your money on
Except it’s right next to the keypad
You need to hide your code on
And because I have a Magnetic Hand
I cannot operate these machines
Without it claiming I cannot enter my Speedpass
At this time
Well, I’m not, I don’t have one
I’m covering the keypad with my left hand
The magnetic hand
Which their Speedpass button thinks
Is a real Speedpass.
Do me a favour, rip the machines out
I have to yell at the cashier because the
Lousy pump machine won’t work
Because my hand registers as a Speedpass.
Life is tough with powers
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
Mobile Snowbanks
MOBILE SNOWBANKS
By John Ross Harvey
Yet another lovely winter storm today.
Yet more increase in the population of the
Three Forces Of Evil
Mobile Snowbanks et al.
What most of these brainless individuals
Do not realize
Is that by Heating up their vehicle
That is covered with a mountaintop of snow
They are too lazy to remove
Is that in doing so, it creates a layer of water
Which most smart people know
Flows rather quickly
So these losers, of which I’ve seen
More today than digits on my hand and feet
Lose their load of un-cleared roof snow
Directly into their windshield
AS THEY ARE DRIVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Not only did it happen,
The completely Impaired idiots
KEPT ON GOING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How anyone with any brain cells
Can think this is a safe practice
Is beyond human comprehension
Nobody with a brain is that STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So if you are one of these losers
WHERE IS YOUR BRAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
By John Ross Harvey
Yet another lovely winter storm today.
Yet more increase in the population of the
Three Forces Of Evil
Mobile Snowbanks et al.
What most of these brainless individuals
Do not realize
Is that by Heating up their vehicle
That is covered with a mountaintop of snow
They are too lazy to remove
Is that in doing so, it creates a layer of water
Which most smart people know
Flows rather quickly
So these losers, of which I’ve seen
More today than digits on my hand and feet
Lose their load of un-cleared roof snow
Directly into their windshield
AS THEY ARE DRIVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Not only did it happen,
The completely Impaired idiots
KEPT ON GOING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How anyone with any brain cells
Can think this is a safe practice
Is beyond human comprehension
Nobody with a brain is that STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So if you are one of these losers
WHERE IS YOUR BRAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Common Sense
COMMON SENSE
By John Ross Harvey
One would think that common sense
Would suggest certain things to people
Like how snow is not as see-through as glass for instance
Or that lights work when it’s not sunny outside
Or that brakes prevent you from hitting things
Or that signals indicate to others just what the hell you’re up to
And that left and right are not interchangeable directions
They are very much indeed the opposite of each other
Yet another minor snowfall occurs and all of the above
Goes out the window.
People without common sense continue to prove their stupidity
Driving snow covered vehicles they can’t see out of
Without lights on while its overcast and raining or snowing
Don’t bother to indicate direction changes, never mind do them properly
And always clog up an intersection to leave me without a doubt
Of their absolute stupidity.
90% of them are driving GREY CARS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Blending into the landscape of grey roads under grey skies.
By John Ross Harvey
One would think that common sense
Would suggest certain things to people
Like how snow is not as see-through as glass for instance
Or that lights work when it’s not sunny outside
Or that brakes prevent you from hitting things
Or that signals indicate to others just what the hell you’re up to
And that left and right are not interchangeable directions
They are very much indeed the opposite of each other
Yet another minor snowfall occurs and all of the above
Goes out the window.
People without common sense continue to prove their stupidity
Driving snow covered vehicles they can’t see out of
Without lights on while its overcast and raining or snowing
Don’t bother to indicate direction changes, never mind do them properly
And always clog up an intersection to leave me without a doubt
Of their absolute stupidity.
90% of them are driving GREY CARS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Blending into the landscape of grey roads under grey skies.
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
BMW X-DRIVE
BMW X-DRIVE
By John Ross Harvey
You must’ve heard the commercials,
The big snowstorm,
The family to pick up,
Don’t worry; you have a BMW,
With X-Drive all wheel drive.
One small problem,
How many BMW owners do you know,
That can actually drive?
The majority of BMW motorists I’ve seen
Cannot drive at all
This commercial just told these people
That they are invincible
Big mistake!
The statistics after Christmas of
BMW accidents should be huge
Thanks to poor advertising.
Never tell someone that can’t drive
That their vehicle can drive for them.
By John Ross Harvey
You must’ve heard the commercials,
The big snowstorm,
The family to pick up,
Don’t worry; you have a BMW,
With X-Drive all wheel drive.
One small problem,
How many BMW owners do you know,
That can actually drive?
The majority of BMW motorists I’ve seen
Cannot drive at all
This commercial just told these people
That they are invincible
Big mistake!
The statistics after Christmas of
BMW accidents should be huge
Thanks to poor advertising.
Never tell someone that can’t drive
That their vehicle can drive for them.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
CHRISTMAS
CHRISTMAS
By John Ross Harvey
Christmas is a time for giving
And receiving
And Eating
And Drinking
And taking Advil when the Bills come in
And Boxing Day Sales
Are two days late
Merry Christmas
By John Ross Harvey
Christmas is a time for giving
And receiving
And Eating
And Drinking
And taking Advil when the Bills come in
And Boxing Day Sales
Are two days late
Merry Christmas
CHRISTMAS EVE
CHRISTMAS EVE
By John Ross Harvey
Christmas and New Year’s Day
Have Eves
The day before is now an Evening
Well not really
But what you do on that day
Will happen in the evening
On Christmas Eve
You will finish shopping while
The stores close
In the Evening
You will wrap gifts
In the Evening
You will assume the role of
Santa Claus for your kids
In the Evening
You will then fall asleep
In the Evening
Whether you had anything to drink
Or not
In the Evening
By John Ross Harvey
Christmas and New Year’s Day
Have Eves
The day before is now an Evening
Well not really
But what you do on that day
Will happen in the evening
On Christmas Eve
You will finish shopping while
The stores close
In the Evening
You will wrap gifts
In the Evening
You will assume the role of
Santa Claus for your kids
In the Evening
You will then fall asleep
In the Evening
Whether you had anything to drink
Or not
In the Evening
P.C. INSANITY - REPRISE
POLITICALLY CORRECT INSANITY
By John Ross Harvey
Bald= Folliclely Challenged
Why not Skin Surplused?
Short= Vertically Challenged
How about Less Tall?
Santa Claus=Holiday Figure
Why not Santa Claus?
Winter-een-mas= Winter between Hallowe’en and Christmas
What a stupid word
Vegetarian= Protein Challenged
Carnivore= Vegetable Challenged
Coffee Drinker= Caffeine Enhanced
Tea Drinker= Tannin Enhanced
Pop Drinker= Carbonation Enhanced
Energy Drinker= Machine Challenged
IT = Technologically Enhanced
IT client= Technologically Challenged
Milk Drinker= Calcium Enhanced
Bread Eater= Gluten Enhanced
Low-Carb Dieter= Carbohydrate Challenged
Politician= Lie Enhanced
Voter= Tax Challenged
Mechanic= Cash Enhanced
Supermodel= Weight and Clothing Challenged
Actor= Paparazzi Challenged
Singer= Vocally Enhanced
Musician= Instrumentally Enhanced
That could cover many things
Cheetah= Speed Enhanced Feline
Lion= Energy Challenged Feline
Tiger= Colour Enhanced Feline
Wolf= Predatorily Enhanced Canine
Hawk= Glide Enhanced Avian
Hummingbird= Wing Speed Enhanced Avian
Rose= Thorn Enhanced Vegetation
Vines= Vertically Capable Vegetation
Readers= Thought Enhanced Winners
Complainers= Brain Deprived Losers
Humourists= Comedy Enhanced
Internet Scammers= Nigerian Dictators
By John Ross Harvey
Bald= Folliclely Challenged
Why not Skin Surplused?
Short= Vertically Challenged
How about Less Tall?
Santa Claus=Holiday Figure
Why not Santa Claus?
Winter-een-mas= Winter between Hallowe’en and Christmas
What a stupid word
Vegetarian= Protein Challenged
Carnivore= Vegetable Challenged
Coffee Drinker= Caffeine Enhanced
Tea Drinker= Tannin Enhanced
Pop Drinker= Carbonation Enhanced
Energy Drinker= Machine Challenged
IT = Technologically Enhanced
IT client= Technologically Challenged
Milk Drinker= Calcium Enhanced
Bread Eater= Gluten Enhanced
Low-Carb Dieter= Carbohydrate Challenged
Politician= Lie Enhanced
Voter= Tax Challenged
Mechanic= Cash Enhanced
Supermodel= Weight and Clothing Challenged
Actor= Paparazzi Challenged
Singer= Vocally Enhanced
Musician= Instrumentally Enhanced
That could cover many things
Cheetah= Speed Enhanced Feline
Lion= Energy Challenged Feline
Tiger= Colour Enhanced Feline
Wolf= Predatorily Enhanced Canine
Hawk= Glide Enhanced Avian
Hummingbird= Wing Speed Enhanced Avian
Rose= Thorn Enhanced Vegetation
Vines= Vertically Capable Vegetation
Readers= Thought Enhanced Winners
Complainers= Brain Deprived Losers
Humourists= Comedy Enhanced
Internet Scammers= Nigerian Dictators
Monday, December 17, 2007
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Ode to Larry The Cable Guy: Words of Wisdom
ODE TO LARRY THE CABLE GUY
WORDS OF WISDOM
By John Ross Harvey
Read Slowly
1. A day without sunshine is not too bright.
2. On the other foot, you have different toes.
3. 57.3 percent of all statistics aren’t made up on the spot. (I said, 'Read slowly'
4. 1 percent of lawyers have a good name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are above average.
6. He who laughs first thinks the fastest.
7. Anger is merely depression with enthusiasm.
8. The early bird may get the worm, but why would he want too?
9. Support bacteria. They're more cultured than some people I know.
10. A bad memory is the sign of a clear conscience.
11. Change is inevitable, except from Politicians and vending machines.
12. Try missing a couple of payments, then you’ll know who cares.
13. Raise my hand if you believe in psycho-kinesis?
14. OK, is the speed of light faster than speed of dark?
15. When you're in the wrong lane. Things keep coming at you.
16. Laziness pays off now. Hard work is for other people.
17. How much deeper would the ocean be without Sponge Bob?
18. Weasels may be vermin, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
19. If you get scared half to death, twice, do you know?
20. How good is a psychic asking you for your name?
21. There is a younger person inside older persons
Wondering, 'What the heck happened?'
22. Just remember -- we would all fall off the world
If it didn’t suck.
23. Why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Because light travels faster than sound.
WORDS OF WISDOM
By John Ross Harvey
Read Slowly
1. A day without sunshine is not too bright.
2. On the other foot, you have different toes.
3. 57.3 percent of all statistics aren’t made up on the spot. (I said, 'Read slowly'
4. 1 percent of lawyers have a good name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are above average.
6. He who laughs first thinks the fastest.
7. Anger is merely depression with enthusiasm.
8. The early bird may get the worm, but why would he want too?
9. Support bacteria. They're more cultured than some people I know.
10. A bad memory is the sign of a clear conscience.
11. Change is inevitable, except from Politicians and vending machines.
12. Try missing a couple of payments, then you’ll know who cares.
13. Raise my hand if you believe in psycho-kinesis?
14. OK, is the speed of light faster than speed of dark?
15. When you're in the wrong lane. Things keep coming at you.
16. Laziness pays off now. Hard work is for other people.
17. How much deeper would the ocean be without Sponge Bob?
18. Weasels may be vermin, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
19. If you get scared half to death, twice, do you know?
20. How good is a psychic asking you for your name?
21. There is a younger person inside older persons
Wondering, 'What the heck happened?'
22. Just remember -- we would all fall off the world
If it didn’t suck.
23. Why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Because light travels faster than sound.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Parked Car Etiquette
PARKED CAR ETIQUETTE
By John Ross Harvey
There are rules to parking
If in a driveway, do not block a sidewalk
If in a mall, use a parking space
NOT A FIRELANE!
Only use a designated space if you qualify
For that designation
If on a street, do not park at the intersection
Directly behind the stop sign
When you are parked on the street
And traffic is moving to get around you
Wait your turn to enter traffic
You should never start up and go
As vehicles on your left are likely
Only there because you parked on the right
And will most likely require that right lane
To turn from
I see this far too often at Starbuck’s at
Queen and Dovercourt in Toronto
They are parking illegally already
Then they simply continue from their illegal
Parking space
To annoy the traffic that is legally in the lanes
You have been given eyesight for a reason
Use it properlyDo not enter traffic without checking for clear access.
By John Ross Harvey
There are rules to parking
If in a driveway, do not block a sidewalk
If in a mall, use a parking space
NOT A FIRELANE!
Only use a designated space if you qualify
For that designation
If on a street, do not park at the intersection
Directly behind the stop sign
When you are parked on the street
And traffic is moving to get around you
Wait your turn to enter traffic
You should never start up and go
As vehicles on your left are likely
Only there because you parked on the right
And will most likely require that right lane
To turn from
I see this far too often at Starbuck’s at
Queen and Dovercourt in Toronto
They are parking illegally already
Then they simply continue from their illegal
Parking space
To annoy the traffic that is legally in the lanes
You have been given eyesight for a reason
Use it properlyDo not enter traffic without checking for clear access.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Driving Instructors
DRIVING INSTRUCTORS
By John Ross Harvey
It shouldn’t be just me
But motorists in my part of this world
Are normally very bad
Personally I blame the instructors
Many of which drive as poorly as
The rest of the motorists that annoy me.
Headlights are your #1 safety tool
They provide visibility for you and
More importantly visibility “of you”
Far too many “instructors” do not insist on using these
In conditions where they are definitely required
They also seem to be teaching this turning in wrong lane disease
Left turns go to left lanes, not centre, not right, LEFT!
Right turns go to right lanes, not centre, and not left, RIGHT!
Most of these learner vehicles are grey
Mostly the skies are grey
Always the roads are grey
Grey cars, grey roads, grey skies, no lights, NO SEE!
No wonder everyone I encounter on my commutes
Cannot drive properly
The Instructors cannot drive properly either!
Light travels faster than a car
It’s not rocket science it’s more visible than your car
So why prove stupidity by not using them?
I will close and say one thing of instructors I’ve seen
Only “Young Drivers” instructors use headlights properly
No other company I’ve seen does.
We don’t live in Australia where everything is backwards to us.
Go forward, be Canadian, use a light switch!
By John Ross Harvey
It shouldn’t be just me
But motorists in my part of this world
Are normally very bad
Personally I blame the instructors
Many of which drive as poorly as
The rest of the motorists that annoy me.
Headlights are your #1 safety tool
They provide visibility for you and
More importantly visibility “of you”
Far too many “instructors” do not insist on using these
In conditions where they are definitely required
They also seem to be teaching this turning in wrong lane disease
Left turns go to left lanes, not centre, not right, LEFT!
Right turns go to right lanes, not centre, and not left, RIGHT!
Most of these learner vehicles are grey
Mostly the skies are grey
Always the roads are grey
Grey cars, grey roads, grey skies, no lights, NO SEE!
No wonder everyone I encounter on my commutes
Cannot drive properly
The Instructors cannot drive properly either!
Light travels faster than a car
It’s not rocket science it’s more visible than your car
So why prove stupidity by not using them?
I will close and say one thing of instructors I’ve seen
Only “Young Drivers” instructors use headlights properly
No other company I’ve seen does.
We don’t live in Australia where everything is backwards to us.
Go forward, be Canadian, use a light switch!
Monday, November 12, 2007
When To Turn On Headlights
WHEN TO TURN ON HEADLIGHTS
By John Ross Harvey
Clue#1: The sky isn’t blue
Clue#2: It’s raining
Clue#3: It’s foggy
Clue#4: It’s dark out
Clue#5: You’re car is grey
Clue#6: You can’t see
Clue#7: Someone hit you…..too late!
By John Ross Harvey
Clue#1: The sky isn’t blue
Clue#2: It’s raining
Clue#3: It’s foggy
Clue#4: It’s dark out
Clue#5: You’re car is grey
Clue#6: You can’t see
Clue#7: Someone hit you…..too late!
Friday, November 09, 2007
A Day In The Life of a Torontonian Motorist
A Day In The Life of a Torontonian Motorist
By John Ross Harvey
The sky isn’t blue
Which should be a clue
To put my lights on
But I’d rather drive a grey car
On a grey road
Under a grey sky
To multiply my stupidity
With invisibility
Since I don’t have a brain
I wont put them on in the rain
It’s much easier to be ignorant than safe
When I turn left I’ll head for the right lane
And when I turn right I’ll head for the left lane
I enjoy proving I haven’t got brains
I have Directional Deficit Disorder
The intersection is blocked
But I’m a blind sheep to a green light
I enter because I cannot think for myself
I have no idea why my Escalade doesn’t fit on that
Little white line
I know I don’t fit, but I am a twit
Blocking the intersection because my brain has lost function
I suffer from Blocked Intersectiontis
While I’m at it
I may as well make several lane changes
Without ever signaling
To prove I must be drunk
Because I can’t drive straight
To top it off I will
Intentionally drive behind parked cars
In attempts to pass people with
Enough common sense to drive in a lane
That actually moves
Because I need to prove that
I’m also a Pathetic Parked Car Passing Putz
By John Ross Harvey
The sky isn’t blue
Which should be a clue
To put my lights on
But I’d rather drive a grey car
On a grey road
Under a grey sky
To multiply my stupidity
With invisibility
Since I don’t have a brain
I wont put them on in the rain
It’s much easier to be ignorant than safe
When I turn left I’ll head for the right lane
And when I turn right I’ll head for the left lane
I enjoy proving I haven’t got brains
I have Directional Deficit Disorder
The intersection is blocked
But I’m a blind sheep to a green light
I enter because I cannot think for myself
I have no idea why my Escalade doesn’t fit on that
Little white line
I know I don’t fit, but I am a twit
Blocking the intersection because my brain has lost function
I suffer from Blocked Intersectiontis
While I’m at it
I may as well make several lane changes
Without ever signaling
To prove I must be drunk
Because I can’t drive straight
To top it off I will
Intentionally drive behind parked cars
In attempts to pass people with
Enough common sense to drive in a lane
That actually moves
Because I need to prove that
I’m also a Pathetic Parked Car Passing Putz
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Apologies to regular readers
Currently have been busy with workprojects , book promotion, hallowe'en decoration, and creating a joint effort website with my brother-in-law, soon to be online.
The review on my book's back cover is by probably one of the best known comedy agent/entrepeneurs in the world, Mark Breslin.
With Canadian dollar more powerful than the US dollar, it's cheaper for you.
Download version is cheaper still.
Remember if you don't like it, don't read it, its only your opinion, you cant force it on anyone.
The review on my book's back cover is by probably one of the best known comedy agent/entrepeneurs in the world, Mark Breslin.
With Canadian dollar more powerful than the US dollar, it's cheaper for you.
Download version is cheaper still.
Remember if you don't like it, don't read it, its only your opinion, you cant force it on anyone.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Rubber-Neckers
RUBBER-NECKERS
By John Ross Harvey
Most people that see an accident
On a highway or other road
Slow down to a crawl to have a look
These are what other people call
Rubber-neckers
I personally believe
They are a godsend to the
Unfortunate people in the accident
Because without these Rubber-neckers
Those involved in the accident
Would have to fear for their safety
Yet again because
Nobody was slowing down
To protect their safety
Only caring rubber-neckers do that
I hope we all can be one of them.
By John Ross Harvey
Most people that see an accident
On a highway or other road
Slow down to a crawl to have a look
These are what other people call
Rubber-neckers
I personally believe
They are a godsend to the
Unfortunate people in the accident
Because without these Rubber-neckers
Those involved in the accident
Would have to fear for their safety
Yet again because
Nobody was slowing down
To protect their safety
Only caring rubber-neckers do that
I hope we all can be one of them.
Monday, September 24, 2007
Lawn and Garden Vol. II
LAWN AND GARDEN VOL. II
By John Ross Harvey
I have a house
It has a backyard
Which backs onto a backyard of a townhouse row
The townhouse unit directly behind
Is a single woman
Who is not much for yardwork
When we first had a yard, without fences
She had a weedkiller spray and went and sprayed
Each and every weed individually
When fences went up
Her neighbour cut her lawn
When her neighbour moved
She kind of gave up
Weeds took over and her lawn is nothing but
A little while ago a man helped her cut it down
And built a shed, presumably with yard equipment
Many of her weeds pass through my fence
I’ve uprooted many thistles recently
The other night she went to cut her lawn
With a weedwhacker
Because it’s still all weeds
Some people should really
Pave their backyards
It would save on weedkiller and weedwhacker fuel
By John Ross Harvey
I have a house
It has a backyard
Which backs onto a backyard of a townhouse row
The townhouse unit directly behind
Is a single woman
Who is not much for yardwork
When we first had a yard, without fences
She had a weedkiller spray and went and sprayed
Each and every weed individually
When fences went up
Her neighbour cut her lawn
When her neighbour moved
She kind of gave up
Weeds took over and her lawn is nothing but
A little while ago a man helped her cut it down
And built a shed, presumably with yard equipment
Many of her weeds pass through my fence
I’ve uprooted many thistles recently
The other night she went to cut her lawn
With a weedwhacker
Because it’s still all weeds
Some people should really
Pave their backyards
It would save on weedkiller and weedwhacker fuel
Friday, September 21, 2007
Greek Gods
GREEK GODS
By John Ross Harvey
If we look at the genealogy of the Greek Gods
It is indeed strange
Zeus most people know of
Had relations with sisters, and cousins
Yet he was not the God at the top of the family tree
He was born from the Titans Chronos and Rhea
Brother to Poseidon, Hades, and Hestia
Relations with Sisters Hera and Demeter
Only Hestia was not an Olympian God
Sons from Hera were Ares and Hephaestus
Daughter from Hera was Hebe
Daughter Persephone from Demeter
Daughter Athena (unknown mother)
Relations with cousin Leto
Son Apollo and daughter Artemis
Relations with cousin Dione
Daughter Aphrodite
Relation with cousin Maia
Son Hermes who had relations
With daughter Aphrodite and his aunt Dryope sister of Maia
Relations with Alcmene
Son Heracles
Relations with Semelo
Had Dionysus
All his children Olympian Gods except Persephone and Heracles
Chronos and Rhea both Titans were brother and sister respectively
Brother Coeus and sister Phoebe had daughter Leto
Brother Hyperion was not a Titan
Iapetus also a Titan was father to Epimethus father of Dione
And father to Prometheus and Atlas
Oceanus and Tethys both Titans brother and sister respectively
Daughter Pleiane had relations with Atlas
They had daughters Maia, Dryope, Asterope, Calaeno, Electra, Atyone, and Taygate
The Pleiades sisters
Dryope and Hermes had son Pan
Aphrodite and Hermes had
Son Rhodes and
Daughters Tyche, Peitho, Eunomia and
Bi-gendered Hermaphroditus
Abderus was also a son to Hermes (mother unknown)
Three monsters were siblings to the Titans
Cyclopes were Male
Echidna was Female
Hecatonatchires was Unknown
Oceanus and Tethys also had son Inachus
Inachus had relations with Oceanus daughter Melia
They had Io who had
Relations with Zeus
Aside from them Oceanus and Tethys had 3000 sons and daughters
The Titans were children of Uranus
Brother to Pontus and Mountains
Son of Gaia and Tartarus
They being sister and brother respectively
To brother Eros and Erubus
And sister Nyx
Erubus and Nyx had
Son Aether and daughter Hemera
Erubus also had several children (mother unknown)
Daughters The Hesperides, The Keres and Fates, Nemesis,
Apate, Philotes, Ceras, and Eris
Sons Momus, Panos, Moros, Thanatos, and Hypnos
Brother Tarturus also had son Typhon
Tarturus, Gaia, Eros, Nyx, and Erubus were
The children of Chaos
Alcmene was sister to Licymnius
And daughter to Electryon
This above information according to sources on Wikepedia
Including the charts of each relationship
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Family_Tree_of_the_Greek_Gods
And this chart too
http://ludios.org/greekgods/
But if we are to believe they existed as beings on Earth
And many other deities of the Romans
And the Celtic deities of Ireland
What was Chaos?
Was Chaos the depths of Space and Time?
Were they extraterrestrial travelers?
How could Zeus have that many relations without
The ability to stay youthful?
Which according to Einstein’s Twin Paradox
Is possible by traveling through Space and Time
In breeding was apparently commonplace
Perhaps that created beings that were god-like
And since the Olympian gods were children of Titans
And Titans were the grandchildren to Chaos
Zeus was a great grandchild of Chaos
Is all life on earth the result of alien beings taking up residence?
How do we explain these things?
Perhaps we will never know
Perhaps science will explain them
And we will merely accept their findings
Because somewhere, somebody may be related to Zeus
If he isn’t still with us
Gene Simmons is a likely suspect
By John Ross Harvey
If we look at the genealogy of the Greek Gods
It is indeed strange
Zeus most people know of
Had relations with sisters, and cousins
Yet he was not the God at the top of the family tree
He was born from the Titans Chronos and Rhea
Brother to Poseidon, Hades, and Hestia
Relations with Sisters Hera and Demeter
Only Hestia was not an Olympian God
Sons from Hera were Ares and Hephaestus
Daughter from Hera was Hebe
Daughter Persephone from Demeter
Daughter Athena (unknown mother)
Relations with cousin Leto
Son Apollo and daughter Artemis
Relations with cousin Dione
Daughter Aphrodite
Relation with cousin Maia
Son Hermes who had relations
With daughter Aphrodite and his aunt Dryope sister of Maia
Relations with Alcmene
Son Heracles
Relations with Semelo
Had Dionysus
All his children Olympian Gods except Persephone and Heracles
Chronos and Rhea both Titans were brother and sister respectively
Brother Coeus and sister Phoebe had daughter Leto
Brother Hyperion was not a Titan
Iapetus also a Titan was father to Epimethus father of Dione
And father to Prometheus and Atlas
Oceanus and Tethys both Titans brother and sister respectively
Daughter Pleiane had relations with Atlas
They had daughters Maia, Dryope, Asterope, Calaeno, Electra, Atyone, and Taygate
The Pleiades sisters
Dryope and Hermes had son Pan
Aphrodite and Hermes had
Son Rhodes and
Daughters Tyche, Peitho, Eunomia and
Bi-gendered Hermaphroditus
Abderus was also a son to Hermes (mother unknown)
Three monsters were siblings to the Titans
Cyclopes were Male
Echidna was Female
Hecatonatchires was Unknown
Oceanus and Tethys also had son Inachus
Inachus had relations with Oceanus daughter Melia
They had Io who had
Relations with Zeus
Aside from them Oceanus and Tethys had 3000 sons and daughters
The Titans were children of Uranus
Brother to Pontus and Mountains
Son of Gaia and Tartarus
They being sister and brother respectively
To brother Eros and Erubus
And sister Nyx
Erubus and Nyx had
Son Aether and daughter Hemera
Erubus also had several children (mother unknown)
Daughters The Hesperides, The Keres and Fates, Nemesis,
Apate, Philotes, Ceras, and Eris
Sons Momus, Panos, Moros, Thanatos, and Hypnos
Brother Tarturus also had son Typhon
Tarturus, Gaia, Eros, Nyx, and Erubus were
The children of Chaos
Alcmene was sister to Licymnius
And daughter to Electryon
This above information according to sources on Wikepedia
Including the charts of each relationship
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Family_Tree_of_the_Greek_Gods
And this chart too
http://ludios.org/greekgods/
But if we are to believe they existed as beings on Earth
And many other deities of the Romans
And the Celtic deities of Ireland
What was Chaos?
Was Chaos the depths of Space and Time?
Were they extraterrestrial travelers?
How could Zeus have that many relations without
The ability to stay youthful?
Which according to Einstein’s Twin Paradox
Is possible by traveling through Space and Time
In breeding was apparently commonplace
Perhaps that created beings that were god-like
And since the Olympian gods were children of Titans
And Titans were the grandchildren to Chaos
Zeus was a great grandchild of Chaos
Is all life on earth the result of alien beings taking up residence?
How do we explain these things?
Perhaps we will never know
Perhaps science will explain them
And we will merely accept their findings
Because somewhere, somebody may be related to Zeus
If he isn’t still with us
Gene Simmons is a likely suspect
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Morning Dew
MORNING DEW
By John Ross Harvey
I’m curious to know
How low someone’s I.Q. must be
To knowingly and intentionally
Drive a vehicle they cannot see out of
It boggles my mind
How difficult it must be to operate the window controls
How much work it must be to take a rag and
Clean the dew off the windows
So they can see the children at the bus stop
So they don’t run the stop sign
So they can see what’s in their mirrors
But apparently for far too many
Driving Impaired is preferable to being able to see
You can’t see out of it
Don’t drive it!
You’re Impaired!
By John Ross Harvey
I’m curious to know
How low someone’s I.Q. must be
To knowingly and intentionally
Drive a vehicle they cannot see out of
It boggles my mind
How difficult it must be to operate the window controls
How much work it must be to take a rag and
Clean the dew off the windows
So they can see the children at the bus stop
So they don’t run the stop sign
So they can see what’s in their mirrors
But apparently for far too many
Driving Impaired is preferable to being able to see
You can’t see out of it
Don’t drive it!
You’re Impaired!
Monday, September 17, 2007
Ode to John Pinette - Meat is Food
ODE TO JOHN PINETTE
MEAT IS FOOD
By John Ross Harvey
Everyone has their own idea of food
Some think an appetizer is food
Some think a salad is food
That’s not food
It’s a promisary note that food is coming
Real food is Meat
Sausage, Ribs, Steak, Chicken, Turkey, Venison
Turducken
That’s food
Burgers must be 3 patties with bacon on top
Beef patties
High protein and Iron content
Meat is Food
MEAT IS FOOD
By John Ross Harvey
Everyone has their own idea of food
Some think an appetizer is food
Some think a salad is food
That’s not food
It’s a promisary note that food is coming
Real food is Meat
Sausage, Ribs, Steak, Chicken, Turkey, Venison
Turducken
That’s food
Burgers must be 3 patties with bacon on top
Beef patties
High protein and Iron content
Meat is Food
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